We English majors...need to promote public libraries as a tool in the war against terror. How many readers of Edith Wharton have engaged in terroristic acts? I challenge you to name one...Do we need to wait until our cities lie in smoking ruins before we wake up to the fact that a first-class public library is a vital link in national defense?

I was brought up imagining that cream rises to the top, merit wins out, the race is to the swift and riches to men of understanding, but it ain't necessarily so. The swift stand a better chance if they are also beautiful.

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

Being an English major prepares you for impersonating authority.

Face it: a nation that maintains a 72% approval rating on George W. Bush is a nation with a very loose grip on reality.

Jesus said the meek would inherit the earth, but so far all we've gotten is Minnesota and North Dakota.

God is a great humorist. He just has a slow audience to work with.