When you're gay every party is a bad sweater party.

Every cookie is a sugar cookie. A cookie without sugar is a cracker.

Ever drive by one of those things on the highway which tells you how fast you're going? I don't even pay attention to them anymore because I found a similar gadget in my dashboard... Some people slow down at those things... I don't slow down. I speed up and set the high score.

I hate nickels; they're quarter impersonators.

Say what you will about Gypsy women, but they are remarkable assessors of blues guitar talent.

I've always wanted to do more significant stuff. I think of myself as well-informed, but the hardest thing to do is talk about politics and current events and be funny and not just preachy.

I think everything is fair game to a certain extent.