When you're gay every party is a bad sweater party.

With basketball, if a guy is having an off night you still can say he's a good athlete. But with a comedian, you see them in front of the wrong audience - and they can look like complete amateurs. It's remarkable.

I think the biggest challenge I have faced is that I have struggled most of my life with often crippling depression which has sometimes if not keeping me off stage kept me from writing regularly and with any kind of confidence.

I went to Boston College. It's a Catholic college, yeah I had a nickname there: Jew.

If you try to pop the unpopped kernels in the microwave, you go back in time.

As a child I most closely identified with Charlie Browns teacher. Nobody listened.

If you are 26 years old and you're waking up under Star Wars sheets... the Force is not with you.