He has a brain like Einstein's - dead since 1955

Retirement is wonderful. It's doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it.

Retirement: It's nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese.

When you retire, you switch bosses - from the one who hired you to the one who married you.

Two things I dislike about my granddaughter - when she won't take her afternoon nap, and when she won't let me take mine.

Our marriage has always been a 50-50 proposition - with the possible exception of closet space.

I enjoy waking up and not having to go to work. So I do it three or four times a day.