He has a brain like Einstein's - dead since 1955

Education can get you the only thing that really matters in today's world--an assigned parking space.

My grandkids believe I'm the oldest thing in the world. And after two or three hours with them, I believe it, too.

Retirement: It's nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese.

I'm now as free as the breeze - with roughly the same income.

Grandchildren: the only people who can get more out of you than the IRS.

My grandchild has taught me what true love means. It means watching Scooby-Doo cartoons while the basketball game is on another channel.