He has a brain like Einstein's - dead since 1955

Grandparents are there to help the child get into mischief they haven't thought of yet.

My grandchild has taught me what true love means. It means watching Scooby-Doo cartoons while the basketball game is on another channel.

It's time to diet and exercise when you accept the fact that you can fool some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time - but not while you're wearing a bathing suit.

Retirement: It's nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese.

Grandchildren: the only people who can get more out of you than the IRS.

Retirement is wonderful. It's doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it.