Grandchildren: the only people who can get more out of you than the IRS.

My grandchild has taught me what true love means. It means watching Scooby-Doo cartoons while the basketball game is on another channel.

What a bargain grandchildren are! I give them my loose change, and they give me a million dollars' worth of pleasure.

Our marriage has always been a 50-50 proposition - with the possible exception of closet space.

My grandkids believe I'm the oldest thing in the world. And after two or three hours with them, I believe it, too.

I went to school with a kid who was so smart, the only time he got an answer wrong, they had to go back and change the question.

"You're more trouble than the children are" is the greatest compliment a grandparent can receive.