Grandchildren: the only people who can get more out of you than the IRS.

Our marriage has always been a 50-50 proposition - with the possible exception of closet space.

I went to school with a kid who was so smart, the only time he got an answer wrong, they had to go back and change the question.

What a bargain grandchildren are! I give them my loose change, and they give me a million dollars' worth of pleasure.

My grandkids believe I'm the oldest thing in the world. And after two or three hours with them, I believe it, too.

My grandchild has taught me what true love means. It means watching Scooby-Doo cartoons while the basketball game is on another channel.

When you retire, you switch bosses - from the one who hired you to the one who married you.