None of us kids had a middle name. We were lucky we had any name at all. By the time my mother got around to naming one, there was another on the way.

Sex can be fun after eighty, after ninety, and after lunch!

I would read Playboy more often, but my glasses keep steaming up.

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

Bridge is a game that separates the men from the boys. It also separates husbands and wives.

At home we ate fish every Friday, as Catholics were then supposed to do. Being Jewish, I compromised. I wore a hat when I ate fish, out of respect for my own religion and the fish's family.