I get a standing ovation just standing

Bridge is a game that separates the men from the boys. It also separates husbands and wives.

Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

I must be getting absent-minded. Whenever I complain that things aren't what they used to be, I always forget to include myself.

Sex can be fun after eighty, after ninety, and after lunch!

If I get big laughs, I'm a comedian. If I get little laughs, I'm a humorist. If I get no laughs, I'm a singer.

Tennis is a young man's game. Until you're 25, you can play singles. From 25 to 35, you should play doubles. I won't tell you exactly how old I am, but when I played, there were 28 men on the court - just on my side of the net.