Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

Life's but a day at most.

Sex after 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. Even putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.

I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.

Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that's down can come up.

There's an old saying, 'Life begins at forty.' That's silly. Life begins every morning you wake up.