In what other business can a guy my age drink martinis, smoke cigars and sing? I think all people who retire ought to go into show business. I've been retired all my life.

You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.

Take care not to wear stripes that are out of sync with your wrinkles.

I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.

I like women to be attracted to me. See, when you get 60 years old, and they know you're 60, the only women you can get are 55-year-old women, and I like younger women.

When I wasn't working, I put the blame directly where it belonged - I blamed my agent. When I didn't have an agent, I spent time looking for a new agent so I would have somebody to blame.

There are many ways to die in bed, but the best way is not alone.