I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.

I'd say that about 82 percent of what I write is bad, but don't go by me; I'm as bad a judge as I am a writer. Look, if it were all good, you'd be paying twice as much for this book.

I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.

Be sure to wear a good cologne, a nice aftershave lotion, and a strong underarm deodorant. And it might be a good idea to wear some clothes, too.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

How can I die? I'm booked.

When asked in his late 90s if his doctor knew he still smoked, Burns said, 'No ... he's dead.'