I drink coffee with my right hand, and I smoke with my left. But I talk with both hands.

I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides, I can't die now - I'm booked.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money.

When Jack Benny has a party, you not only bring your own scotch, you bring your own rocks.

I don't worry about getting old. I'm old already. Only young people worry about getting old. When I was 65, I had Cupid's eczema. I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides, I can't die now - I'm booked.

Joy is obtaining a big, loving, caring shut-knit household in yet another town.