I drink coffee with my right hand, and I smoke with my left. But I talk with both hands.

I'd rather be over the hill than under it.

I get up every morning and read the obituary column. If my name's not there, I eat breakfast.

It's better to be happy doing something you love, even if you don't find success right away.

Young. Old. Just words. Inside we feel like our shoe size.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

Sex can be fun after eighty, after ninety, and after lunch!