When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

People ask me what I'd most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit.

I should have been a country-western singer. After all, I'm older than most western countries.

When we played the back end of a horse we always knew that if we worked hard and did a good job we could become the front end.

Be sure to wear a good cologne, a nice aftershave lotion, and a strong underarm deodorant. And it might be a good idea to wear some clothes, too.

If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it.

I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.