Everyday happiness means getting up in the morning, and you can't wait to finish your breakfast. You can't wait to do your exercises. You can't wait to put on your clothes. You can't wait to get out. And you can't wait to come home, because the soup is hot.

I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere.

Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read.

Say Goodnight Gracie.

I don't worry about getting old. I'm old already. Only young people worry about getting old.

If you were married to Marilyn Monroe, you'd cheat with some ugly girl.

Money is the root of all evil.' Then we hear, 'A fool and his money are soon parted.' What are they talking about? If money is so evil, shouldn't it be, 'A wise man and his money are soon parted'? And another thing, how does a fool get money in the first place? I know some fools who have a lot of money, but they won't tell me how they got it, and I won't tell them.