You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.

Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read.

I use the cigar for timing purposes. If I tell a joke, I smoke as long as they laugh and when they stop laughing I take the cigar out of my mouth and start my next joke.

Be quick to learn and wise to know.

It's one of the old show business axioms. No matter how successful you've been, there's always a younger and sexier seal coming along.

I did go to school - my kind of school. When I was a kid I went out ... and you meet people. You talk to them. Anybody says something that makes sense, it stays with you, rubs off on you. That kind of school.

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.