I use the cigar for timing purposes. If I tell a joke, I smoke as long as they laugh and when they stop laughing I take the cigar out of my mouth and start my next joke.

Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.

There's an old saying, 'Life begins at forty.' That's silly. Life begins every morning you wake up.

I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.

Retire? I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the only one left

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

A young mind in a healthy body is a wonderful thing. Especially for an old man with an open night.