You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.
George BurnsNone of us kids had a middle name. We were lucky we had any name at all. By the time my mother got around to naming one, there was another on the way.
George BurnsLet me get one thing straight; I'm not an authority on sex, I'm more of a fan. I think sex is nice; no family should be without it. Of course, there are other things that are just as important as sex, like uh . . . like uh . . . like . . . uh . . . well, I'll think of it later.
George BurnsWhen I die I intend to take my music with me. I don't know what's out there, but I want to make sure it's in my key.
George Burns