Since I've made it to 87 so far, obviously my two kids and my seven grandchildren haven't been too hard on me. On the other hand, the fact that I have an unlisted phone number and move a lot might have something to do with it.

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

Retire? I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the only one left

Let me get one thing straight; I'm not an authority on sex, I'm more of a fan. I think sex is nice; no family should be without it. Of course, there are other things that are just as important as sex, like uh . . . like uh . . . like . . . uh . . . well, I'll think of it later.

I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.

I drink coffee with my right hand, and I smoke with my left. But I talk with both hands.