Since I've made it to 87 so far, obviously my two kids and my seven grandchildren haven't been too hard on me. On the other hand, the fact that I have an unlisted phone number and move a lot might have something to do with it.

Money is the root of all evil.' Then we hear, 'A fool and his money are soon parted.' What are they talking about? If money is so evil, shouldn't it be, 'A wise man and his money are soon parted'? And another thing, how does a fool get money in the first place? I know some fools who have a lot of money, but they won't tell me how they got it, and I won't tell them.

Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read.

When we played the back end of a horse we always knew that if we worked hard and did a good job we could become the front end.

I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides, I can't die now - I'm booked.

I don't worry about getting old. I'm old already. Only young people worry about getting old.

There are many ways to die in bed, but the best way is not alone.