With the collapse of vaudeville new talent has no place to stink.
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
How can I die? I'm booked.
I was always taught to respect my elders and I've now reached the age when I don't have anybody to respect.
A young mind in a healthy body is a wonderful thing. Especially for an old man with an open night.
When Jack Benny has a party, you not only bring your own scotch, you bring your own rocks.