My best advice: Fall in love with what you do for a living.

I use the cigar for timing purposes. If I tell a joke, I smoke as long as they laugh and when they stop laughing I take the cigar out of my mouth and start my next joke.

I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.

There's an old saying, 'Life begins at forty.' That's silly. Life begins every morning you wake up.

Everyday happiness means you can't wait to come home, because the soup is hot.

Sex has been around for a long time. You may not believe this, but it was around before I was.

I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides, I can't die now - I'm booked.