Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.

A young mind in a healthy body is a wonderful thing. Especially for an old man with an open night.

Sex is the Universal Language in which nobody speaks; they don't have to.

Define your business goals clearly so that others can see them as you do.

Let me get one thing straight; I'm not an authority on sex, I'm more of a fan. I think sex is nice; no family should be without it. Of course, there are other things that are just as important as sex, like uh . . . like uh . . . like . . . uh . . . well, I'll think of it later.

With the collapse of vaudeville new talent has no place to stink.