I never go jogging, it makes me spill my martini.

Take care not to wear stripes that are out of sync with your wrinkles.

Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist.

Much later in life, though, Gracie made a major contribution to the opera world. She stayed out of it.

Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that's down can come up.

People are always asking me how much I'm worth. Well, all I can say is, I've got enough money to last me the rest of my life. As long as I die in the next 20 minutes.

Everyday happiness means you can't wait to come home, because the soup is hot.