Should I be the one to play God? We're both about the same age, but we grew up in different neighborhoods.

If you were married to Marilyn Monroe, you'd cheat with some ugly girl.

Sex after 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. Even putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.

I get up every morning and read the obituary column. If my name's not there, I eat breakfast.

People are always asking me how much I'm worth. Well, all I can say is, I've got enough money to last me the rest of my life. As long as I die in the next 20 minutes.

Retire? I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the only one left

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.