Young. Old. Just Words.

When asked in his late 90s if his doctor knew he still smoked, Burns said, 'No ... he's dead.'

None of us kids had a middle name. We were lucky we had any name at all. By the time my mother got around to naming one, there was another on the way.

I don't have a drinking problem. I drink. I get drunk. I fall down, no problem.

When they saw me walking down the street smoking a cigar, they'd say, 'Hey, that 14-year-old kid may be going places.' Of course it's also a good prop on the stage ... When you can't think of what you're supposed to say next, you can puff on your cigar until you think of your next line.

Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read.

The heart is a temple wherein all truth resides.