Yale men do not like to be told anything by people who didn't go to Yale. The closest I came to Yale was once I had one of their padlocks.

By [age] 93, I had shrunk quite a lot. My car was known as the Phantom Cadillac. People would see it whizzing by and they would swear there was no driver.

Everyday happiness means you can't wait to come home, because the soup is hot.

Sex is the Universal Language in which nobody speaks; they don't have to.

I drink coffee with my right hand, and I smoke with my left. But I talk with both hands.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

Money is the root of all evil.' Then we hear, 'A fool and his money are soon parted.' What are they talking about? If money is so evil, shouldn't it be, 'A wise man and his money are soon parted'? And another thing, how does a fool get money in the first place? I know some fools who have a lot of money, but they won't tell me how they got it, and I won't tell them.