When Jack Benny has a party, you not only bring your own scotch, you bring your own rocks.
Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.
You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.
Everyday happiness means you can't wait to come home, because the soup is hot.
Let me get one thing straight; I'm not an authority on sex, I'm more of a fan. I think sex is nice; no family should be without it. Of course, there are other things that are just as important as sex, like uh . . . like uh . . . like . . . uh . . . well, I'll think of it later.
I would read Playboy more often, but my glasses keep steaming up.