It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

I don't have a drinking problem. I drink. I get drunk. I fall down, no problem.

Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn't show up on x-rays, but you know it's there.

I've been a straight man for so many years that from force of habit I repeat everything. I went out fishing with a fellow the other day and he fell overboard. He yelled, Help! Help! Help! so I said, Help? Help? Help? And while I was waiting for him to get his laugh, he drowned.

Lots of people have asked me what Gracie and I did to make our marriage work. It's simple - we don't do anything. I think the trouble with a lot of people is that they work too hard at staying married. They make a business out of it. When you work too hard at a business you get tired; and when you get tired you get grouchy; and when you get grouchy you start fighting; and when you start fighting you're out of business.

Should I be the one to play God? We're both about the same age, but we grew up in different neighborhoods.

Critics are eunuchs at a gang bang.