Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.

It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

When I was in Vegas women were throwing their hotel keys at me. But it was after they checked out.

If you stay in the business long enough and get to be old enough, you get to be new again.

Well, anybody can be a straight man if he hears well. You just have to wait for laughs. A straight man just repeats the questions and the comedian gets the laughs and you just wait for them and don't let them die completely at the tail end of the laugh.

If I get big laughs, I'm a comedian. If I get little laughs, I'm a humorist. If I get no laughs, I'm a singer.