People ask me what I'd most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit.

Being an actor is easy, just picture someone in a room and you outside waiting for your cue to go in. Elliot Gould's been trying that for forty years.

My best advice: Fall in love with what you do for a living.

When you stop giving and offering something to the rest of the world, it's time to turn out the lights.

I use the cigar for timing purposes. If I tell a joke, I smoke as long as they laugh and when they stop laughing I take the cigar out of my mouth and start my next joke.

Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn't show up on x-rays, but you know it's there.

When I was in Vegas women were throwing their hotel keys at me. But it was after they checked out.