People ask me what I'd most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit.

Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

If I had taken my doctor's advice and quit smoking when he advised me to, I wouldn't have lived to go to his funeral.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it.

Retire? I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the only one left

In what other business can a guy my age drink martinis, smoke cigars and sing? I think all people who retire ought to go into show business. I've been retired all my life.