Sex is the Universal Language in which nobody speaks; they don't have to.

I'd say that about 82 percent of what I write is bad, but don't go by me; I'm as bad a judge as I am a writer. Look, if it were all good, you'd be paying twice as much for this book.

Young. Old. Just Words.

I was always taught to respect my elders and I've now reached the age when I don't have anybody to respect.

It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair.

People ask me what I'd most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit.

I never go jogging, it makes me spill my martini.