I look better, feel better, make love better and I'll tell you something else....I never lied better.
George BurnsI get up every morning and read the obituary column. If my name's not there, I eat breakfast.
George BurnsOld age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read.
George BurnsSince I've made it to 87 so far, obviously my two kids and my seven grandchildren haven't been too hard on me. On the other hand, the fact that I have an unlisted phone number and move a lot might have something to do with it.
George BurnsLots of people have asked me what Gracie and I did to make our marriage work. It's simple - we don't do anything. I think the trouble with a lot of people is that they work too hard at staying married. They make a business out of it. When you work too hard at a business you get tired; and when you get tired you get grouchy; and when you get grouchy you start fighting; and when you start fighting you're out of business.
George Burns