This is all so exciting I've decided to keep making one movie every 36 years.

I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides, I can't die now - I'm booked.

When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and I'm labeled senile.

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.

Be sure to wear a good cologne, a nice aftershave lotion, and a strong underarm deodorant. And it might be a good idea to wear some clothes, too.

Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that's down can come up.

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.