I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money.

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

Since I've made it to 87 so far, obviously my two kids and my seven grandchildren haven't been too hard on me. On the other hand, the fact that I have an unlisted phone number and move a lot might have something to do with it.

I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.

From Paris we took the Orient Express to Vienna. I must say I was terribly disappointed; nobody was murdered on the train.

I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.

Be sure to wear a good cologne, a nice aftershave lotion, and a strong underarm deodorant. And it might be a good idea to wear some clothes, too.