I find you have to take each day as it comes and be thankful for who's left and whatever you can still do.

I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.

I look better, feel better, make love better and I'll tell you something else....I never lied better.

I'm onstage for an hour.I do an hour of stand-up. Actually, I do 10 minutes standing up and 50 minutes sitting in a chair. Oh, occasionally, I stand up again to do a dance or put over a song. But mostly I sit down. A great invention, sitting down.

Critics are eunuchs at a gang bang.

Everyday happiness means getting up in the morning, and you can't wait to finish your breakfast. You can't wait to do your exercises. You can't wait to put on your clothes. You can't wait to get out. And you can't wait to come home, because the soup is hot.

Being an actor is easy, just picture someone in a room and you outside waiting for your cue to go in. Elliot Gould's been trying that for forty years.