Life's but a day at most.
Retire? I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the only one left
I use the cigar for timing purposes. If I tell a joke, I smoke as long as they laugh and when they stop laughing I take the cigar out of my mouth and start my next joke.
I look better, feel better, make love better and I'll tell you something else....I never lied better.
I never go jogging, it makes me spill my martini.
Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist.