I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.
There are many ways to die in bed, but the best way is not alone.
When Jack Benny has a party, you not only bring your own scotch, you bring your own rocks.
I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
When I wasn't working, I put the blame directly where it belonged - I blamed my agent. When I didn't have an agent, I spent time looking for a new agent so I would have somebody to blame.
Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.