I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.

I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money.

It's better to be happy doing something you love, even if you don't find success right away.

I use the cigar for timing purposes. If I tell a joke, I smoke as long as they laugh and when they stop laughing I take the cigar out of my mouth and start my next joke.

I look better, feel better, make love better and I'll tell you something else....I never lied better.

I drink coffee with my right hand, and I smoke with my left. But I talk with both hands.

I'd rather be a flop at show business than to be a success at something I didn't like.