I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don't have to respect anybody.

A young mind in a healthy body is a wonderful thing. Especially for an old man with an open night.

Just because you're old that doesn't mean you're more forgetful. The same people whose names I can't remember now I couldn't remember fifty years ago. . .

Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.

When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and I'm labeled senile.

When asked in his late 90s if his doctor knew he still smoked, Burns said, 'No ... he's dead.'

This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two.