I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don't have to respect anybody.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

There's an old saying, 'Life begins at forty.' That's silly. Life begins every morning you wake up.

It's one of the old show business axioms. No matter how successful you've been, there's always a younger and sexier seal coming along.

I like women to be attracted to me. See, when you get 60 years old, and they know you're 60, the only women you can get are 55-year-old women, and I like younger women.

Money is the root of all evil.' Then we hear, 'A fool and his money are soon parted.' What are they talking about? If money is so evil, shouldn't it be, 'A wise man and his money are soon parted'? And another thing, how does a fool get money in the first place? I know some fools who have a lot of money, but they won't tell me how they got it, and I won't tell them.

People ask me what I'd most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit.