I don't worry about getting old. I'm old already. Only young people worry about getting old.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.

Sex can be fun after eighty, after ninety, and after lunch!

People are always asking me how much I'm worth. Well, all I can say is, I've got enough money to last me the rest of my life. As long as I die in the next 20 minutes.

I don't care what you do for a living. If you love it, you are a success.