If I get big laughs, I'm a comedian. If I get little laughs, I'm a humorist. If I get no laughs, I'm a singer.
George BurnsI thought to myself, 'why not write a bestseller?' In the first place, more people buy them and more people read them. You make more money and it doesnโt take any more time to write a bestseller than it does to write a book nobody buys.
George BurnsSex after 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. Even putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
George BurnsIt takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
George Burns