I get up every morning and read the obituary column. If my name's not there, I eat breakfast.

The heart is a temple wherein all truth resides.

I get up every morning and read the obituary column. If my name's not there, I eat breakfast.

Everyday happiness means getting up in the morning, and you can't wait to finish your breakfast. You can't wait to do your exercises. You can't wait to put on your clothes. You can't wait to get out. And you can't wait to come home, because the soup is hot.

I'd say that about 82 percent of what I write is bad, but don't go by me; I'm as bad a judge as I am a writer. Look, if it were all good, you'd be paying twice as much for this book.

Retire? I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the only one left

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.