Like on the airlines, they say they want to 'pre-board'. Well, what the hell is 'pre board'? What does that mean? To get on before you get on?

Intelligence tests are biased toward the literate.

No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.

My left descending septal branch artery decided to close without consultation with any of my other organs. It happened on Saint Patrick's Day, 1978.

[On School Uniforms] Don't these schools do enough damage making all these kids think alike, now they have to make them look alike too? It's not a new idea, either. I first saw it in old newsreels from the 1930s, but it was hard to understand because the narration was in German.

Language is a tool for concealing the truth. If we could read each other's minds, this would be a horror show.

You can't fight City Hall, but you can goddamn sure blow it up.