I think TV remotes should have a button that allows you to kill the person on the screen.

If a movie is described as a romantic comedy, you can usually find me next door playing pinball.

If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.

If there were only one cherry pie in the world, and Bill Clinton owned it, I might get a piece of it. If Bush or Reagan owned it, you'd have to kill them to get a piece of pie. That's my feeling about Bill. And Bill's a good bullshitter. America likes a good bullshitter. That's one of the reasons he was re-elected. Honesty has no place in politics. It would throw everything off.

Heroin, forget it. In my neighborhood, I could see what heroin did firsthand and I was definitely afraid of that number.

It's difficult enough for a young person to put his soul on the line in front of a lot of drunken people without having that hanging over his head, too.

Being a Dodgers fan led to my first Air Force court-martial, but that's another story.