Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

Do you think Sammy Davis ate Junior Mints?

So, have a little fun. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.

Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body

I also survived circumcision, a barbaric practice designed to remind you as early as possible that your genitals are not your own.

When you think about it, 12:15 P.M. is actually 11:75 A.M.