Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life. Football begins in the fall, when everything's dying.

If you vote and you elect dishonest, incompetent people into office who screw everything up, you are responsible for what they have done. You caused the problem; you voted them in; you have no right to complain

And off we go, out onto the highway looking for a little fun. Perhaps a flatbed truck loaded with human cadavers will explode in front of a Star Trek reunion. One can only dream and hope.

Grass probably helped me as much as it hurt me. Especially as a performer. When you're high, it's easy to kid yourself about how clever certain mediocre pieces of material are. But, on the other hand, pot opens windows and doors that you may not be able to get through any other way.

When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?