I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.

When you look at the average American you realize there's nothing nature enjoys more than a good joke.

In Rome, the emperor sat in a special part of the Colosseum called the Caesarian Section.

How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies.

Religion is a self-conferred intellectual decision; it's not something you get at birth and is unchangeable. You're collusive with the religion when you accept it; you have a choice.

Sometimes when I'm told to use my own discretion, if no one is looking I'll use someone else's. But I always put it back.

The sicker you get, the harder it is to remember if you took your medicine.