If you're reading it in a book, folks, it ain't self-help. It's help.

The straightest line between a straight distance is two points.

Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes.

I became a guy who wanted to be a comedian someday, or a comic actor. The way I put it was, I'll be like Danny Kaye. He was kind of the model I had in mind.

Of course, in Los Angeles, everything is based on driving, even the killings. In New York, most people don't have cars, so if you want to kill a person, you have to take the subway to their house. And sometimes on the way, the train is delayed and you get impatient, so you have to kill someone on the subway. That's why there are so many subway murders; no one has a car.

I grew up in New York wanting to be like those funny men in the movies and on the radio.

All music is the blues. All of it.