I became a guy who wanted to be a comedian someday, or a comic actor. The way I put it was, I'll be like Danny Kaye. He was kind of the model I had in mind.

I quit school in ninth grade, even though I was good at the studies. I knew I didn't need school for what I wanted.

All messages from Satan are played forward and are in standard American English.

A dog has no shame. If he can do it, you can watch.

I never go anywhere or do anything that transports me outside the boundaries of my mind.

As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.

I don't know how you feel, but I'm pretty sick of church people. You know what they ought to do with churches? Tax them. If holy people are so interested in politics, government, and public policy, let them pay the price of admission like everybody else. The Catholic Church alone could wipe out the national debt if all you did was tax their real estate.