I became a guy who wanted to be a comedian someday, or a comic actor. The way I put it was, I'll be like Danny Kaye. He was kind of the model I had in mind.

Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.

People are dreaming if they think they have rights. They've never had rights. There's no such thing.

Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.

Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.

Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game. Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.

Life is a near-death experience.