I became a guy who wanted to be a comedian someday, or a comic actor. The way I put it was, I'll be like Danny Kaye. He was kind of the model I had in mind.

Interesting form of murder we come up with: Assassination. We assassinate people who've told us to live together in harmony and try to love one another. Apparently we are not ready to live together.

Does killing time damage eternity?

I went through the usual stages: imp, rascal, scalawag, whippersnapper. And, of course, after that it's just a small step to full-blown sociopath.

Picture your grandmother in Hell, baking pies... without an oven.

I was looking in the mirror the other day and I realized I haven't changed much since I was in my twenties. The only difference is I look a whole lot older now.

If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?