Sometimes guys'll say to you, 'Have a good one'. I say, 'I already have a good one. Now I'm looking for a longer one'.

Never let the brain idle. ‘An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.’ And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s.

I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

That invisible hand of Adam Smith seems to offer an extended middle finger to an awful lot of people.

To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it.

There are a lot of little things about our bodies that we all know, but we never talk about. That's what interests me. These are practically universal experiences; nobody mentions them! Some of them are disgusting. Some of them are appallingly revolting and degrading even to the most degenerate mind. So let's get started with a couple of them.