Sometimes guys'll say to you, 'Have a good one'. I say, 'I already have a good one. Now I'm looking for a longer one'.

There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who cannot.

I don't know how you feel, but I'm pretty sick of church people. You know what they ought to do with churches? Tax them. If holy people are so interested in politics, government, and public policy, let them pay the price of admission like everybody else. The Catholic Church alone could wipe out the national debt if all you did was tax their real estate.

We are all precancerous.

No one has to come see my shows who doesn't like me talking about white Christians. They are free not buy a ticket. They're free to leave at any time. So I'm not imposing anything on anyone. Therefore I feel free to cross the line.

Religion is like a pair of shoes.....Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes.

Dogs lead a nice life. You never see a dog with a wristwatch.