None of the Christian religions do [interest me]. They're all outer-directed.

If honesty were suddenly introduced into American life, the whole system would collapse.

Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life. Football begins in the fall, when everything's dying.

"Fussy eater" is a euphemism for "big pain in the ass."

I think of myself as an entertainer: I'm a performing entertainer, I'm a stand-up comic. But there's an artist at work here, too. One who interprets his world through his own filter.

The safest place to be during an earthquake would be in a stationary store.

I hope we're not just human garbage drifting toward a big sewer. But I think so.