Most people are not particularly good at anything.

When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. It will not be with jack-boots. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. Germany lost the Second World War. Fascism won it. Believe me, my friend.

Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

Catholic school gave me the tools to reject the very religion they wanted me to have. They taught me how to think for myself and to be independent.

I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loath and despise the groups they identify or belong to.

The first obligation I have is to be funny; it's my first impulse and an instinct. I like being funny and finding the jokes.

Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be.