I'm offering a special prize for the first Buick on the moon.

The women who line up at a comic's dressing-room door are not what you'd call your class groupies.

Test of Metal: Will of Iron, Nerves of Steel, Heart of Gold, Balls of Brass.

A woman told me her child was autistic, and I thought she said artistic. So I said, 'Oh great. I'd like to see some of the things he's done.

Whenever you see the word cuisine used instead of the word food, be prepared to pay an additional eighty percent.

If you want to get rid of counterfeit money, put it in the collection plate at church.

Never underestimate the role pretension plays when it comes to creating euphemistic language.