I'm offering a special prize for the first Buick on the moon.

Geologists claim that although the world is running out of oil, there is still a 200-hundred-year supply of brake fluid.

Medical researchers have discovered a new disease that has no symptoms. It is impossible to detect, and there is no known cure. Fortunately, no cases have been reported thus far.

The secretiveness. The stealth. Those were obviously the aspects of cocaine use I was addicted to.

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.

I like to write without being stoned. I like to have a hit or two and then go punch up the writing. I just see different things and hear different things. But it's nice to be working from the base that I wrote originally and then come to it with a little buzz. I can have a little wine from time to time. I have a hit from time to time, but those are the only things I do.

If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?