I'm offering a special prize for the first Buick on the moon.

I'm certainly a skeptic. I always quibble with people.

You can't fight City Hall, but you can goddamn sure blow it up.

If someone loves you and they leave and don't come back, it was never meant to be. If someone loves you and they leave and come back, set them on fire.

When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?

Here's a phrase that apparently the airlines simply made up: near miss. They say that if 2 planes almost collide, it's a near miss. Bullshit, my friend. It's a near hit! A collision is a near miss. [WHAM! CRUNCH!] "Look, they nearly missed!" "Yes, but not quite.

Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That's just common sense!