I'm offering a special prize for the first Buick on the moon.

In terms of coke, the only money I ever thought about was that dollar bill I had stuck up my nose.

They [the Reagan Administration] want to put street criminals in jail to make life safer for the business criminals. They're against street crime, providing that street isn't Wall Street.

When he got loaded, the human cannonball knew there were not many men of his caliber.

I don't own a camera, so I travel with a police sketch artist.

To me, fast food is when a cheetah eats an antelope.

I am a personal optimist but a skeptic about all else. What may sound to some like anger is really nothing more than sympathetic contempt. I view my species with a combination of wonder and pity, and I root for its destruction. And please don't confuse my point of view with cynicism; the real cynics are the ones who tell you everything's gonna be all right.