I was trying to get out of the night clubs and was thinking maybe I'll go to the colleges now; that's where you can speak your mind.

Results like these [state of the earth] do not belong on the resumé of a supreme being.

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.

Don't give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.

If Helen Keller had psychic ability, would you say she had a fourth sense? What year did Jesus think it was?

There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It seems only right. 'Tom, I'd like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy.' These days, Trajedi.

Give now. Somewhere, someone feels crappy. You can help.