There are ten thousand people in the United States in a persistent vegetative state. Just enough to start a small town. Think of them as veggie-burghers.
George CarlinI kind of like it when a lot of people die, and on the other hand I always wonder how many unused frequent-flier miles they had.
George CarlinI don't believe there's any problem in this country, no matter how tough it is, that Americans, when they roll up their sleeves, can't completely ignore.
George CarlinHereโs a bumper sticker Iโd like to see: โWe are the proud parents of a child whoโs self-esteem is sufficient that he doesnโt need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car."
George CarlinIt's nothing but a big stroke job in this country. The government strokes you every day of your life. Religion never stops stroking you. Big business gives you a good stroke. And it's one big, transcontinental, cross-country, red, white and blue stroke job... Do you know what the national emblem for this country ought to be? Forget that bald eagle. The national emblem of this country ought to be Uncle Sam standing naked at attention saluting, and seated on a chair next to him, the Statue of Liberty jerking him off. That would be a good symbol for the United Strokes of America.
George Carlin