Don't confuse my point of view with cynicism. The real cynics are the ones who tell you that everything's gonna be all right.

I'm never critical or judgmental about whether or not a movie is any good. The way I look at it, if several hundred people got together every day for a year or so - a number of then willing to put on heavy makeup, wear clothes that weren't their own and pretend to be people other than themselves - and their whole purpose for doing all this was to entertain me, then I'm not gonna start worrying about whether or not they did a good job. The effort alone was enough to make me happy.

Capitalism tries for a delicate balance: It attempts to work things out so that everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from getting violent and trying to take other people’s stuff.

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

The child molester skipped breakfast, but said he'd grab a little something on the way to work.

The owner of a Florida massage parlor has been arrested by police. "There weren't any serious violations," said the officers, "she just rubbed us the wrong way."

Cloud nine gets all the publicity, but cloud eight actually is cheaper, less crowded, and has a better view.