Don't confuse my point of view with cynicism. The real cynics are the ones who tell you that everything's gonna be all right.

So I say, “Live and let live.” That’s my motto. “Live and let live.” And anyone who can’t go along with that, take him outside and shoot the motherfucker. It’s a simple philosophy, but it’s always worked in our family.

Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. Then you're just what they're looking for. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers.

How do you write zero in Roman numerals?

I often wonder how different the world would be if Hitler had not been turned down when he applied to art school.

Religion cruelly exploits our need to feel connected.

I don't have hobbies; hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.